In rehab we talked about addiction being a gift. It’s all in how you look at it, really. There is some kind of undefinable need or desire built into my personality. It’s more than that… almost a hunger. It needs an outlet, and if an addict can find a healthy outlet, I think great things can come of this.
The way I now look at it is that drinking was a symptom of my anxiety, which was caused by the “disease” of addiction. (Incidentally, that is something we need a new term for, because “addiction”, while arguably correct, isn’t really the cause, and isn’t necessarily a disease. The cause of my anxiety, I believe, is the something that is different in the brains of addicts.)
(Dog analogy coming up!)
I’ve studied a lot about dog training, and most trainers agree that most problem behavior in dogs is a result of pent-up energy. It’s the same way with me, as I think with all addicts. I drank to relieve that energy, or anxiety, because I didn’t know what else would work, and drinking did work. But it suppressed it, instead of releasing it, so that when the anxiety came back it was worse. That was the cycle.
I now attempt to direct this anxiety/energy into something positive. Working with my hands is good. Art is good. Working with animals is good. I am able to do all of this in my new career.
I went to grooming school at an ideal time for me. I had completed my first summer sober and did it by staying busy, but I was ready to do something new. I needed a replacement for my addiction, I guess! I found that in grooming dogs. I loved learning about all the different breeds and various clips and styles and techniques. I eagerly went to school for nine hours a day and then came home and looked up more information online. I scissored poodles in my sleep. I still do.
I know grooming dogs won’t save the world, but it sure makes a difference in small ways, either to the dogs or the owners, or both. And it helps me. I don’t know if I will do this for the rest of my life, but for now I’ll take it.
Like someone once said ” We don’t really break habits. We may simply replace one habit with another”. I think habits and addictions are similar that way. And yes, I completely agree with you that many so-called addictions are ways of dealing with anxiety/stress. You, my dear, have found a wonderful and appropriate way to channel yours!
Great blog!
This is such a great entry! You explain addiction so much better than most professionals. I could substitute the word “eating” each time you said “drinking.” I love that you used anxiety/energy as practically the same thing, since energy has a positive sound to it that seems so much more workable than the idea of underlying anxiety.
I’m making a copy of this and hanging it on my wall. Thanks:)
[...] How grooming dogs keeps me sober « Birdpress’s Weblog Posted by pamajama Filed in My Life Now [...]
Thanks for the comments, Pamajama! (I’m not sure what a “pingback” is; still getting used to blogging!)
I’m not sure I explained it all that well, as I only touched on the idea, but hopefully I got my point across!
Thanks for the post, it gives me hope. Maybe that’s what I need to find, an active hobby instead of sitting on my butt all day playing games.