Happy Mother’s Day!

In case you haven’t met her yet, go to her blog and you’ll see what an awesome mom I have!  When I was a kid, she was always the mom that other kids wished they had, and as an adult, I don’t think that ever changed.  I’m so lucky to have her in my life, and since I can’t be with her on Mother’s Day, I hope she reads this and knows that I’m thinking of her and I love her more than words can say!

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom, and to all you other Supermom’s out there too!   

I’m a social caterpillar

I’ve never been very outgoing but I used to at least be a fun person to party with.  Social anxiety was certainly a component of my alcoholism.  It’s now been just over a year that I’ve been sober and I’m still struggling with social anxiety.  Not that I thought I would get over it or anything, but I’ve now found additional reasons to be antisocial.  How do I accept invitations from well-meaning new acquaintances who don’t know my history? 

It’s not like I get paralyzed or can’t function in society.  I actually appear quite normal.  I think mostly I come off as aloof.  I’ve often been told that people think I’m a snob when they first meet me, which certainly could not be farther from the truth, as I am one of the least snobby people you will meet.  But I can understand it.  Shy people are often falsely accused of being conceited.

In rehab we had women’s groups where we discussed things like this and the women there never accused me of coming across this way.  In fact, when I admitted this in group, the other women were asked (by the counselors) to tell me their initial impressions of me and they generally agreed on shy, quiet, gentle, kind and nervous.  Addicts seem to have fairly good skills at reading people, and I was grateful to these wonderful women for their generous descriptions.

Anyone familiar with AA may have heard this saying:  “I’ve always been the black sheep of the family;  I came to AA and found the rest of the herd.”  That’s kind of how I felt in rehab!  I went there expecting to find a group of people completely unlike me that I would have nothing in common with other than an addiction problem.  I found that I had way more in common with those people than anyone else I’d ever met in my life.  In the 28 days I was there I felt closer to the women I lived with than I ever felt with my sorority sisters in college!  Take away their drugs of choice and addicts are some of the kindest, most genuine people you will ever meet.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand now… I am debating whether or not to attend a cookout being given by a woman I went to grooming school with.  It is to be a social gathering for those of us who went to school together as well as a going-away party for a foreign student who is leaving to go back home.  I have stayed in touch with the hostess, as well as several other women from school, mostly through emails and the occasional phone calls.  Three people now have written to tell me that they look forward to seeing me there. 

The problem?  On the invite it was stressed that it will be a good time because there will be an actual “bartender” and we can make arrangements to stay overnight if we need to. 

Do I politely decline the invitation and have them think I am simply being antisocial again?  (I have declined invitations in the past, when I was in school, by having very reasonable excuses.)  Or do I accept and go and attempt to deflect their questions about why I am not drinking?  While also likely having anxiety attacks just being there with a bunch of acquaintances that I don’t really know very well.  My boyfriend would go with me, which may help, but he has very similar issues as me, so it would mostly be us supporting each other. 

I would rather not go, but I do like these women and don’t want to be rude or push away their friendships either.  I have a couple weeks to decide.  It really isn’t a big deal, I suppose, but it is something that is likely to come up again and I need to figure out the best way to deal with these situations.

Tag, I’m it…

Well, I am a new blogger, so I never heard of a Meme until recently, but since I was tagged by trishatruly, I am happy to oblige!

For the first couple I thought I’d take pictures.

Five things Found in my bag

^My wallet

^Leatherman “Kick”

^Personal and work cell phones

^Chapstick

^tampon

Five things in my room

I don’t actually have much interesting stuff in my bedroom, so I decided to show things in my living room instead.

^Here is a shelf in my room that holds some of my collections of snails and 2’s. 

^There are more of my 2’s.  I guess that’s kind of cheating, but I didn’t realize that when I was walking around the room a few minutes ago, looking for something to take a picture of!

^That’s Ella’s cat tree.  That’s Ella in the tree.  My hand weights are at the bottom of it to keep it from falling over when she climbs.  She gets a running start and the thing has nearly toppled before I had the bright idea to store my weights there!  It also keeps them handy. 

^That is a handmade wooden centipede my mom got me years ago when I lived in an apartment by myself after college.  I would occasionally find these monster centipedes climbing up the wall or in the TUB!  They really freaked me out.  This one is cool.  There is a little crank handle that makes the whole thing wiggle.

 

^That is Alf standing next to my dog. 

Five things I’m into

Hmm… This one is difficult. 

I’m into these:

I’m also into these:

 Okay, okay… I’m into photoshop. :)  I’m also into poodles, so there are two things.

I’m also into spirituality, but I’m not nutty about it or anything.  I like practicing mindfulness and seeking peace of mind.  I am not into religion; this is just a personal thing.  I just finished reading Eckhart Tolle’s ”The Power of Now”  and am starting his second one, “A New Earth”.  I also like “Stalking the Wild Pendulum” and “The Holographic Universe” although I don’t know the authors’ names offhand.  I like the Dalai Lama and Buddhism and Taoism and Nonduality - bits and pieces of all these things overlap and help create my views of life.

Hmm… What else?  I’m into reading people’s blogs lately!  I love reading anyway and it’s so cool to me to constantly discover new and interesting things to read online.  I end up spending more and more time on here because I keep wanting to go back to everyone’s blogs and see what new stuff they’ve posted and I always end up adding more places to check!  Darn you, Trisha, for turning me on to the blogging thing!

Okay, I need one more…  Can I just say I’m into animals?  I love animals.  I used to be really into horses but I had to give that up after college when I moved away from home.  I’m now very into dogs, of course, and training in addition to grooming.  I’ve always loved cats.  And toads.  Yeah, weird, but I love toads.  I think they are the sweetest, gentlest, coolest creatures ever.  Toads don’t get enough credit really.

Five things I have always wanted to do

I’ve always wanted to visit Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory and eat everything in there like they did in the movie.

I have always wanted to fingerpaint an entire wall.  That would be so fun, wouldn’t it?

I’ve always wanted to slap someone across the face.  Seriously, I just want to know what it feels like.  Unfortunately I don’t actually want to hurt someone, so I never will do that.

I’ve always wanted to have an out of body experience.  But I don’t want any real danger or anything, so that’s probably out too.  I’m not a real risk-taker.

I’ve always wanted to hand out hundred dollar bills randomly to people who seemed like they could use it.

Whew, that was a tough post!  And the most I’ve written yet, I think.  I get to tag someone now?  I think I’ve seen this thing go around quite a bit, so I don’t know who is left to tag.  Can’t I just tag anyone who reads this who has not yet done this?  I can’t?  Shut up; it’s my blog and that’s what I’m going to do! 

“Addictive Personality” denied medical treatment?

I was a bit annoyed after reading this article in the paper this morning.  It talks about a man who was denied a liver transplant because he used medical marijuana.  I don’t understand the reasoning behind this, and this line, quoting Dr. Robert Sade (director of the Institute of Human Values in Health Care at the Medical University of South Carolina) particularly bothers me:

“Marijuana, unlike alcohol, has no direct effect on the liver. It is however a concern … in that it’s a potential indicator of an addictive personality,” Sade said. 

If that is their reasoning, it is disturbingly flawed.  If we can deny someone a potentially life-saving procedure because of the person’s “potential” toward an addictive personality, we should deny EVERYONE such medical treatment.  Everyone has the potential for addiction, whether it be addiction to drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, food, attention, etc, etc, etc. 

I could go on to list the reasons to excuse this man’s marijuana use, medically prescribed or not, but that really isn’t the point, since his denial is not based on the idea that marijuana is harmful to the liver (it isn’t), or even that it is physically addicting (nope, it isn’t that either), but based on “addictive personality”!  Sade writes on medical ethics, not medical research.  He is the founder of the Institute of Human Values in Health Care.  The fact that they are basing this man’s right to life-saving medical treatment on a moral viewpoint instead of scientific fact and research is in itself unethical.

creating balance in my life

On days when I get dogs like this:

 

I try to balance them out with dogs like this:

 

That’s why I like to do my own scheduling.

Clueless Clients

I just love it when I get calls from people who want me to schedule their dogs for grooming, but have no idea what kind of dog they have, or what kind of dog it even resembles!  This can really throw off my day if I can’t estimate how much time I will need to spend with their dog or how many other dogs I can schedule for the same day. 

Phone call

Me:  This is Birdpress

Dog Owner:  Yeah, I’d like to have you groom my dog.

Me:  Sure; what kind of dog do you have?

DO:  A big dog.

Me:  Okay, what type of coat does your dog have?

DO:  It’s a big dog.  Like 85 lbs.

Me:  Does it have a coat that needs clipping or is it a double coated dog that is shedding?

DO:  No, he doesn’t shed.  I need him clipped.

Me:   (After setting up a time for him to come in and taking down contact info)  Okay, well I’ll see you then and then we’ll see what we need to do for your dog.

Okay, so I’m expecting a large dog that doesn’t shed, so maybe a poodle mix or terrier mix?  Nope.  This is what I get:

And yes, it sheds.  I tried to talk them out of clipping it but they were adamant that he be shaved.  I gritted my teeth and clipped him down with a #5 blade.  I didn’t take an after pic because I was too busy, but let’s just say that that isn’t as much fur as it looks like.  The vet put him on a diet.

 

Why you should not shave a double-coated dog

Twice this week I was able to talk people out of having me shave their dogs.  One was a Japanese Spitz mix and the other was a Siberian Husky.  Neither of these breeds should ever be shaved!

Both of these dogs went home looking beautiful after a bath, fluff dry, major deshedding and silhouette trim.  Their owners were happy to see their dogs looking and feeling so much better, and they were also appreciative that I was able to explain to them why I discourage shaving these breeds.  The exception to this rule is any dog that is so matted that I can not safely and humanely brush it out, which usually only happens with dogs that have previously been shaved, and occasionally with dogs that have very long hair that has been neglected.  And by double-coated dogs, I mean those dogs whose hair grows only to a specified length and has an undercoat that sheds.

I have come up with the following handout to give to clients who request that I shave their double-coated dog. 

…………………………………..

Shaving Down Double-Coated Breeds

Many clients ask me to “shave” down their Husky, Golden Retriever, Labrador Retriever, etc. These are dogs that typically do NOT get haircuts.  So why do clients come in requesting a haircut for these types of breeds?  They feel this is an easy way to reduce shedding and keep the dog cool.

Wrong! This is NOT the answer.  A dog’s coat provides insulation from the heat and sun.  Dogs do not perspire like humans do.  They only perspire from the pads of their feet and from their noses. They do not “sweat” like humans do. A Husky, Golden, Lab, Malamute, and even a Newfoundland will be cooler with its coat on.

There is one important factor, however.  Their coats must be kept thoroughly brushed out.  Matted coats or coats with packed-in, dead undercoat will restrict airflow to your pet’s skin, consequently making him uncomfortable.

Shedding:

It may seem like a great idea to shave all the hair off.  Sure, no more hair all over the house! Well, shorter hair all over the house anyway…  What you are doing when you shave your double-coated dogs is actually interrupting the natural shedding process.  You are cutting into the top coat, possibly damaging it, and causing the undercoat to grow uninhibited, as the undercoat grows much more quickly than the top coat, or “guard” coat.

The guard coat is the coarser hair that separates the finer undercoat hairs, preventing it from matting.  When this coat is clipped, the hair will appear to grow back softer because you are seeing only undercoat as it grows back.  This hair is thick and will matt easily and possibly result in patchy, uneven growth until the guard hairs eventually regrow.  By then the coat may be so damaged that it will need to be shaved down again.  Also, by interrupting the natural shedding cycle, you can actually be producing MORE shedding.  The exact opposite of what you want!

What is the answer?

Keep your double-coated breeds thoroughly brushed & combed out.  Keep them well groomed & they will be comfortable even in the hot summer sun.

 

mind games

I am trying to practice “mindfulness” every day, as much as possible.  I’ve always struggled with overthinking things, leading to worry and anxiety, and I have been reading books and looking online for more little tricks or tips in helping to manage this by remembering to live my life in the present moment. 

While observing myself yesterday, I suddenly remembered that I used to have little “mind tricks” I used when I was a kid which did much the same thing.  I wonder when I stopped using them so much?  I think it was the sort of thing I “outgrew” along with other games of pretend, which is a shame.  Anyway, here are some of the things I used to do.

When I was feeling lonely, I would imagine that I was in a book and I would narrate my life inside my head in the third person.  I was such a reader, always had my nose in a book, and this trick worked like reading did to keep me from feeling alone.

Sometimes I would pretend that I was really someone else who was beautiful and popular and rich and perfect in every way, and that I had changed bodies for a day with “myself” in order to see what things were like for this other, non-perfect person.

When someone was mean to me, I would sometimes fantasize that a huge pile or rocks would suddenly fall from the sky or through the ceiling onto that person’s head. 

Perhaps some of these tricks were healthier than others.

rarely say “never”

My sister often calls me when something is troubling her, although she rarely calls me when things are fine.  That’s okay.  I rarely call her either; only when I realize it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve talked to her will I call out of a feeling of responsibility (or guilt) to see how she is doing.  We both seem to understand that, while we care about each other, we don’t really need to do more than check in with each other now and then. 

Over the past year, whenever Sis calls it’s like a therapy session.  I get to play the part of counselor.  (Yeah, me!  Seriously!  Last time she even said to me, “How much do I owe you for the session?”)  Due to my own experiences, it seems I’ve acquired quite a repertoire of skills and solutions to get myself through all kinds of ordeals while remaining relatively sane and of healthy mind.  I’m more than willing to share these when asked.  It helps me too because when I try to come up with ways of putting things into perspective for her, it reminds me to do the same for myself. 

I’m actually flattered when she calls me to talk about what’s bothering her.  As annoying as she sometimes is (hey, she’s my sis) she does actually ask and then listen to me when I give her advice.  It’s cool; not many people do!  I know her mind well, no matter how little we talk, and I’m good at reading between the lines with her and figuring out how to cut through the bullshit.  (If there’s one thing I’m good at by now, it’s detecting bullshit.)  Oh, and I should also note here that I do know when to keep my mouth shut and just listen too!

My most recent accomplishment is convincing Sis to replace the phrase “I will never” with “for now I won’t”.  She goes overboard with things, really.  Usually this is in dealing with people.  If someone upsets her, for example, she must replace “I will never talk to so-and-so again!”  with “For now, I will not speak with so-and-so.”  Or if someone says he will do something for her and then he can’t or he changes his mind, “I will never ask him for anything again!” becomes “For now, I will not ask anything of him.”  (See, just saying the words, “for now” even makes the rest of the sentence re-write itself more intelligently!)

My reasoning for this is that she is too overemotional to deal with situations until she gets her emotions under control.  By saying “for now” instead of “never” she will give her mind a chance to set aside the upsetting incident while neither worrying about it nor holding a grudge, since neither action has any benefit whatsoever.  ”For now” gives no specified time, because it might take a day or a week or even a year to get to the point where she will be ready to remove the barrier she’s placed.  She won’t know until she knows, and maybe by then she won’t remember why she even put it there in the first place.  More likely, things will change in little ways, instead of all at once, that will break down the barrier piece by piece. 

How grooming dogs keeps me sober

In rehab we talked about addiction being a gift.  It’s all in how you look at it, really.  There is some kind of undefinable need or desire built into my personality.  It’s more than that… almost a hunger.  It needs an outlet, and if an addict can find a healthy outlet, I think great things can come of this.

The way I now look at it is that drinking was a symptom of my anxiety, which was caused by the “disease” of addiction.  (Incidentally, that is something we need a new term for, because “addiction”, while arguably correct, isn’t really the cause, and isn’t necessarily a disease.  The cause of my anxiety, I believe, is the something that is different in the brains of addicts.)  

(Dog analogy coming up!) 

I’ve studied a lot about dog training, and most trainers agree that most problem behavior in dogs is a result of pent-up energy.  It’s the same way with me, as I think with all addicts.  I drank to relieve that energy, or anxiety, because I didn’t know what else would work, and drinking did work.  But it suppressed it, instead of releasing it, so that when the anxiety came back it was worse.  That was the cycle.

I now attempt to direct this anxiety/energy into something positive.  Working with my hands is good.  Art is good.  Working with animals is good.  I am able to do all of this in my new career.

I went to grooming school at an ideal time for me.  I had completed my first summer sober and did it by staying busy, but I was ready to do something new.  I needed a replacement for my addiction, I guess!  I found that in grooming dogs.  I loved learning about all the different breeds and various clips and styles and techniques.  I eagerly went to school for nine hours a day and then came home and looked up more information online.  I scissored poodles in my sleep.  I still do.

I know grooming dogs won’t save the world, but it sure makes a difference in small ways, either to the dogs or the owners, or both.  And it helps me.  I don’t know if I will do this for the rest of my life, but for now I’ll take it.